Embracing the Suckers
Those words ended my last post (click here to read). My forest is growing, but not how I expected it to.
In our backyard we planted two Chokecherry trees. They have a deep purple leaf that provides a contrast to the typical green. For being so beautiful, they produce a bitter fruit. One that my mother has fine-tuned a jelly recipe for. The birds love them, and the trees are hardy. They grow wild in Wyoming, where my own roots run. When Chris and I were picking out trees for our barren yard last Spring, we found these on sale at the nursery. I couldn't wait to plant them and envisioned many canning sessions with my mom and sisters.
The excitement at watching them grow and offer a cooling shade, a wind barrier and freeway-noise blocker has become hampered by the fact that all the "growing energy" for these trees has gone into creating what the horticulturists call "suckers." They are tiny trees growing out of the roots from the big stem, the main trunk. Those tiny sprouts suck the energy out of the growing capacity for the 'big' tree, and you have to pinch them off, or hack them down continuously.The last pruning resulted in Chris punishing those wayward sprouts with a hedge trimmer.
Metaphorically I just can't help but connect this to my life. Here we are trying to be a big, sturdy tree that offers food, protection, comfort, and beauty. Next thing you know our lusciousness is hindered by this sucker that comes in the mail to be paid, and this other sucker that pops up over there and demands attention.
Recently, I've had a lot of suckers popping up in my soils. Unexpectedly I had to have another surgery to remove a bunch of polyps from my uterus before we could move forward with our family building plans. We went in for an ultrasound to begin our next attempt at creating life, and left with a surgery booked. Now my uterus is growing suckers too! They weren't just suckers....they were mother-suckers.
I now have several bills coming in from two different surgeries, explanation of benefits sheets spread all over....the confusion of which insurance has covered what and which bill matches which EOB, Suckers here, suckers there, suckers everywhere!
My family experienced the loss of my grandmother recently. Couple that death with our miscarriage...that's a big sucker.
The constant dread of dealing with suckers has somehow taken over lately.
What happens if I embrace these suckers? If I stop trying to prevent them, and hack them down, and stress over their existence? I googled "Chokecherry tree care" and found lots of discussion threads. People shared their experiences and successes at pruning down a chokecherry to remain a tree. Others however shared that they let the suckers join in the growing, and although what they had envisioned to be a tree, a sturdy dense hedge formed instead. Those that successfully ended with a tree stated that it took a long time, and a lot patience, and constant care.
What was my goal again? Bird attraction, shade, noise -blocker....could a hedge do that just as well or better? Should I let these suckers grow and embrace them instead of fighting them?
Well, I can't just let the bills "grow" I have to deal with them. Unexpected medical issues...grief...I have no control over those things. Those suckers will just have to grow up around my trunk. They will meld together to create a sturdier base. When the next Nevada wind storm rips through my yard those sturdier bases will help my tree stay rooted in the ground.
Ezekiel 17:5-6
"He also took some of the seed of the land and planted it in fertile soil. He placed it beside abundant waters; he set it like a willow. "Then it sprouted and became a low, spreading vine with its branches turned toward him, but its roots remained under it. So it became a vine and yielded shoots and sent out branches.
